Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

5:06pm: Friends Only
I do write A FEW public entries, but to see everything, it's...

9:57pm: Come to Steel Magnolias!
STEEL MAGNOLIAS

Who: Rachel Krein, Steffanie Bezruki, India Mullady, Tara Golding, Alysia Prosser, Hilary Boyter, director LaDonna Wilson, and all of the lovely backstage people
What: Steel Magnolias, a drama/comedy about six women, written by one man
When: May 11-13 at 7pm and May 14 at 2:30pm (free flowers for mom on mother's day)
Where: Central High School... for directions, ask me
Why: Because we like theatre! And need money to go to Scotland.

Please come if you live ANYWHERE near me. I'd really appreciate your support, money, and seeing your happy faces.

7:11pm: everytime i try to fly i fall
EDIT:

And when you cry I feel your tears
They're piercing through my skin
And things will never be the same as they once were
Because a thousand smiles from me can't take that look of sadness off your face
We're tangled in a web of truth
That has captured me
And now holds you
A prisoner of pain
Head hanging from that rope
The noose held tight around your neck
The smell of failure seeping in through the grate
Even though the burn has reasons
You know there's something more you could do
To hold the stench in
And not let the feeling spread
To keep it in your veins and not let them burst

8:23pm: COME TO MY PLAY!
Hey guys. If you live anywhere NEAR Sidney, IL, you MUST come to the play that I am directing.

Who: Lots of cool CDW people, and the director, moi.
What: A Broom for the Bride (a farce by George Batson)
When: December 9, 10, 16, & 17 at 7:30pm and December 11 & 18 at 2:30pm
Where: The Creative Dramatics Workshop, 400 E. Byron, Sidney, IL
Why: Because I'm directing it and it will be really funny and cool!

9:35pm: The song that I just can't stop listening to... thought I'd share it.
And it never fails to make me cry.

"Oh where oh where can my baby be
The lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screaming tires, the busting glass
The painful scream that I heard last

Oh where oh where can my baby be
The lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

When I woke up the rain was pouring down
There were people standing all around
Something warm pulling through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
'Hold me darling just a little while'
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I had missed
Well now she's gone and even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night

Oh where oh where can my baby be
The lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world"

10:38pm: When you call my name, it's like a little prayer

Just like a dream

No end and no beginning

You're here with me

It's like a dream

Let the choir sing

Just like a prayer... you know I'll take you there...

Life is a mystery Everyone must stand alone I hear you call my name And it feels like  home

8:01pm: It's all I ask, and no more
I don't miss you as much as I miss being able to write about you.

12:51pm: If I gave it all just for one thing
Everything has to end sometime, right?

4:45pm: There's always another wound to discover
I've started writing my fourth novel "Red Angels". (Yes, there is a reason for the title.) And this one, I'm REALLY serious about. I have about 10 pages right now in novel-like pages, so it's not awful. I was going to post some of it on here, but I have realized that it is best to write a whole copy before letting others read... granted, that is NOT going to happen, but I will wait a bit longer. Plus, I have some editing to do.

I hate school. It is hell. Yes.

I am going to see "A Doll's House" at CDW today with Lydia and Sarah. Hopefully that will be fun. I'm wearing my new "i'd rather be at CDW" shirt. muahaha I love it. So true.

I am too lazy to write anymore. I am going to read in a minute or something...

5:33pm: Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
If you haven't read "White Angel" yet, please do... it is amazing.

Well, I really should have been writing this entry last night when I was thinking about all of it, because it would sound so much better, but I was insanely tired and needed at least a bit of rest.

If I've realized one thing about life, it's how much you can't depend on it. You can't count on people or things or emotions to stay the same and they never do. I realized how much my life has been altered in the past few years and how I miss what I used to have, but how I wouldn't give up anything to go back to that life. When something changes, you are bound to change with it. Life molds you, and you mold life. I was amazed at how much time I've spent alone the past two or so years. I remember sixth grade, when I had the most amazing connections with Megan and Sam. We were inseperably and we always had a good time, no matter what we were doing. I should have known that would change, but I was nieve and innocent then. Those connections can keeping breaking slowly, and I let them. I miss the times I'd spend with them, the hours, in the dark in sleeping bags at night, talking about how much I liked a certain nameless boy, or how different everything is in middle school. I don't have that now. No one cares to hear me talk endlessly about my boyfriend, no one cares to hear everything magical and fantastic that I can come up with, just with a young imagination. It's like we've all already grown old. We have old hearts and old souls. Serious times have come, no giggling when a cute boy smiles at you in the hallway, no cute awkward moments when a boy asks you to dance at a school dance, no passing notes in class, no laughing at stupid jokes or dirty words. None of those connections... with friends, crushes, and enemies. No strong ties. No non-family like bonds. I've found myself a new home to pull me through puberty, but really... as I call it a home, it is no different from a home. It's an understanding, close bond between friends that acts as a family. It's not casual, fun friends. And sometimes, sometimes I miss that. I want to be free again. I want to fly. And last night, while I cried myself to sleep, for a moment... I did fly.

"I can breathe for the first time."
"I'm waiting in the dark... I thought that you'd be here by now."

edit: Isn't the man in my icon adorable? (Man and adorable in the same sentence? What?) Maybe the better choice of words would be... isn't the teenage boy in my icon totally hot? But really, I think it is the cutest picture of Tom ever. Just look at that smile and those eyes. Mmm.